I get to JFK airport in New York City around 8:30pm for my 10:25pm flight to Paris CDG. I meet the coolest girl behind me at the airport. She is a freelance fashion designer who sells weed on the side. She also just snuck in an entire freezer bag of Fruity Pebbles rice crispy treat edibles through JFK security. Turns out we sit right by each other at the back of the plane. Our flight taxis for 45 mins. I pop a sleeping pill and next thing I know, I wake up in Paris!
My final destination is Dubrovnik. My flight there is at 5:05pm that evening out of Paris ORLY. I had originally given myself 5 hours until my departure time to get to ORLY from CDG, which I thought would be more than enough time. Since my flight took off late, I am left with 4 hours.
My friend and I both need to get to the RER train in a different terminal to get to the city center and to ORLY. We get to the airport transit that will take us there as the doors are closing. I make it inside but my friend gets caught in the doors. We assume these doors will behave like the transits in Chicago or New York City and open when they realize there’s a human body in the way. We quickly find out this is wrong as my friend’s body is relentlessly crushed by the doors. We both push and pull as hard as we can to get the doors open, screaming, thinking the train is going to take off with her stuck in the door. Two guys finally step up and pull the doors open, letting my friend inside.
After that traumatizing experience (days later and my arms are bruised) we make it to the RER. It’s about $28 each for a day pass on the train (holy shit that’s a lot). My friend gets off a few stops before me and I get off the train at the ORLY stop around 2:15.
My experience at ORLY is an absolute nightmare. I recommend giving yourself at least 4 hours to get there and through security to make it to your gate in time for an international flight. I get to the airport around 2:30 and stop to get a SIM card through SFR for my phone at Relay. The SIM card has an upfront cost of 10 euros for unlimited texts and 5 euros worth of calls. The man helping me speaks very little English and tells me it will cost 35 euros for 35GB of data for a month. This doesn’t sound right but I buy it anyway since I am in a rush.
After getting that sorted, I get into the first line of security around 3:00 pm. I wait in this line for 20 mins thinking the security check point would be around the corner. Wrong. The line is herded up the stairs into a different line that wraps around several times. People are already pushing and cutting in front of me. By the time I get to the front of this line to the actual security check point, it’s 4:30 and my flight is about to board.
Apparently the people in front of me have never flown before because they hold up the line by attempting to put their huge roller bags in bins and trying to walk through the scanner with their unfinished coffee. I get myself and my bag through and have a hint of hope that I can make it before my gate closes. I start to run but am stopped by a crowd of people squeezing through a tiny opening. I see a sign from this point saying Estimated Time: 67 mins. I know I am doomed.
After going down a set of stairs I reach a hot humid room of over 100 people waiting in line to get their passports checked. I start panicking. I try to figure out if I am even going to make my flight, showing the workers in line my boarding pass, asking if they could help. I keep getting the same answers back in French that I can’t understand. I start to beg people in front of me if they will let me cut. The sweetest couple in front of me tries to explain to me that my flight will “attend pour tous les passengers”. I luckily know a few of these words (thank the lord for my high school French classes) and know that this means that they will wait for everyone. I don’t believe this but I’m unsure of what my other options are at this point.
This couple then proceeds to help me, yelling at people who try to cut me, holding onto me when the line moves so I stay with them and don’t lose my spot. They even push me out of the way as two men throw punches at each other. A woman passes out. It’s a fucking ZOO. I wonder to myself if this is what Ellis Island looked like. I say “merci beaucoup” over and over again to my savior couple as they continue helping me.
I finally get to the front over an hour and 15 mins later. My passport is checked and stamped in under 3 mins and I book it to my gate, praying I’m not going to have to sleep overnight in this hell hole and book a new, outrageously priced, last-minute flight. I run with my 26-lb bag slamming against my back.
I get to my gate an hour after it’s supposed to take off, and there are no people in line. Sweating and out of breath, I ask a flight attendant what’s going on. He tells me the flight hasn’t started boarding yet and that I can sit down until they call for boarding. I am exasperated, sweaty, hungry, thirsty, and a little dizzy. ORLY, get your shit together!
The flight doesn’t board for another hour. All in all, I make my flight to Dubrovnik. I get my free sink water from the bathroom and an overpriced quiche from a cafe. I knock out on the plane and wake up in my favorite country.
This definitely wasn’t the way I had planned on starting my trip but I’m so thankful and relieved that I made it. It just goes to show that even when you’re going through hell and you can’t see the end of it, where you’re going, or what the outcome will be- you’re always going to be okay.
Lessons learned:
- Don’t assume all doors will open when obstructed by human bodies
- ORLY may be the real-life Hunger Games
- Really reconsider self-transfers and how long they may take
- Sneaking edibles through JFK is a piece of cake
Continue reading about Casey’s adventures.
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