China: From the Great Wall to the Beijing Nightlife

It smells like Crayola on the plane. The screen in front of me doesn’t work, my seat won’t stay reclined, and the food is absolutely horrible. Cheers to 13 hours of this!!

In all seriousness, what many people consider to be tribulations on a 13-hour flight don’t faze (everyone learn how to spell this word) me. After all, I am a master of sleeping. Before I know it, we’ve landed in Beijing.

The first thing I notice looking out the window is the smog. Yeah, it looks a lot worse than anything I’ve ever seen in the US, but I have no idea what is to come. More on that later, though.

After deplaning, it keeps hitting me that “I’m in China!!!” over and over again, just like every time I travel to a new destination. China is a country I have never seriously thought about traveling to, and if not for my roommate, J-lin, I wouldn’t be here right now. He wanted to plan a trip back since he’s lived here for 10 years, and I was more than down to come with.

Sidenote: If you’re planning a trip to China, I recommend taking your visa application to a Chinese Consulate near you rather than going through a third party if you can. I had a bad experience going through iVisa, who kept asking me for additional documents and claiming photocopies of my host’s passport were not clear enough even though my host works for the Icelandic Embassy, so he obviously knows a thing or two about preparing government documents. It was really embarrassing for J-lin to have to keep going back to our host.

J-lin’s mom’s friend, Wang Ran, along with her daughter (the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life) picks us up at the airport and greets me with a gift of really nice hand lotions. I try declining the gift because I read it’s culturally appropriate to say no to gifts a few times before accepting, but it turned into an awkward thing, so that’s probably an outdated practice! Take notes, guys!!

On the ride over to our hotel, Wang Ran helps J-lin set up WeChat, which is a messaging/currency app in China that assigns users a unique QR code. Users are able to send, use, and receive money via their QR code. Even the smallest street stalls accept QR code payment, so it truly is a universal payment method. You can even call cabs using it. It’s like What’s App, Venmo, Uber, and more, all wrapped into one convenient mobile app. Rather than use banks, people are paid directly via QR code by their employers. Mind-blowing, right? Prime example of a technology that we should be utilizing in the US.

Jet lag? Never heard of it

We pop out at the Conrad Hotel, the nicest hotel I’ve ever even stepped inside, and pop caffeine pills while getting ready to go straight out. Yes, we literally planned an entire night out clubbing even though we just landed at 5pm.

Down in the lobby, we meet up with J-lin’s friend from college, Steven, who flew in from Hong Kong, where he is currently studying abroad. He brings an interesting assortment of his new friends from the university. J-lin’s best friend from when he lived in China, Era, also meets us there.

It’s right about now that the jet lag starts kicking my ass HARD. Why did I think I could do this??? I literally feel like I’m falling into a black hole, so I take another caffeine pill because I am that committed to sending it tonight. As horrible as I feel, I know the FOMO will be worse.

Heaven Supermarket

We split up into different taxis, and ours casually drives down the wrong side of the road, into oncoming traffic, to get us to our destination. This must be a classic shortcut to Heaven Supermarket, the liquor store bar we hop out at.

This bar is another great example of something we need in the US. Basically, you buy your liquor and chasers in the liquor store area, then grab a bench and play games or just hang out in the bar area. It’s packed and has a laid-back atmosphere, with gender-neutral bathrooms, loud socializing, and a heated outdoor area.

The squad grabs some vodka, sweet tea, and a bench to play Cheers to the Governor, a game where there is always one person who is especially bad at remembering the rules, making it both the funniest and most frustrating game of all time.

This person is Wilhelm tonight. He can’t even think of an item in his own category when it’s his turn to start a round of Categories. His most epic fails include the categories “beer brands” and “car brands.” We start just skipping him.

Sidenote: Beware of the liquor here! Era tells us the last time she returned to Beijing after living in the US for a while, she lost her vision as part of her hangover the morning after going out and drinking liquor. She has a theory that liquor here contains methanol, which could account for the thicker consistency and the ‘off’ taste of our vodka. I’m semi-freaked out about this, especially since I’ve been experiencing vision problems recently. Welp, still going to drink this, so I guess we’ll all see what happens in the morning (ha, see what I did there??).

Ironically, I feel much better after pregaming. Just in time, since we’re heading to the clubs now. Era and J-lin say last time they went out in Beijing, they were able to get free tables at the clubs just for being with a group of white people, since hosting foreigners would mean a nightclub is “good” and thus, attract more locals. We have no such luck tonight. I guess things have changed!

Club Mix

After paying 100 RMB each (about 15 USD), we step into Club Mix. I’m instantly overwhelmed! It’s crowded and pounding with what sounds like very aggressive Yellow Claw. It is this moment that I realize I forgot my earplugs. The music is physically hurting my ears, and I need to figure this out now. I literally run around the club asking both randos and staff members if anyone has extra earplugs, not that anyone is wearing earplugs in the first place.

It’s so crazy to me that I used to go out to these types of venues all the time without even knowing earplugs were a thing! I’m actually miserable without them, but none of my friends seem to mind the volume. To make things worse, the music is horrible. I need to either get slammered or leave right now. I ask a table if they’re going to drink their untouched bottle of Jager. Yeah, I’m that person right now.

Lantern

I actually hold out for a while until J-lin and Era are finally down to go somewhere else. We break free of Club Mix and run into the night. The soothing beat of HOUSE music reaches me through the cold air. I convince J-lin and Era to follow it next door with me to a club called Lantern.

We barely have enough cover money to get in, and they are not making an exception for anyone! I’m relieved when we manage to scrape together enough cash to be let into the venue. My soul is immediately soothed by the music, and the night ends on such a fun note.

Things you should know about China so far:

• Submit your visa application to a Chinese Consulate in-person rather than go through a third party if possible. You’ll save yourself time, money, and loads of frustration.
• Refusing a gift before accepting it may not be customary anymore.
• The Chinese app WeChat is revolutionary.
• Smoking is allowed indoors, anywhere and everywhere. Each night, I returned to the hotel reeking of cigarettes and smog. Just warning you, you’ll be inhaling of lot of each while you’re in town!
• There may or may not be methanol in the liquor. I have no advice on whether or not you should still drink it, but I will say I was totally fine for the duration of my trip in China, eyeholes fully functioning.
• Be prepared to pay cover at any club you go to. White privilege does not exist here anymore (as it shouldn’t).

Nanluoguxiang

Oh god, being hungover in smog is so much worse, and we have a full day of cultural immersion planned. Sucking it up isn’t hard, though, because whenever I travel, I enter time optimization mode. I’m on a mission to make the most of every day!

J-lin takes me to Nanluoguxiang, a half-mile-long alley lined with food stalls and shops. We take our time walking around, watching fake silversmiths toiling away outside of jewelry stores (seriously, they’re just putting on a show – classic marketing tactic to make the store’s products seem handcrafted and more valuable).

We try the local, beloved flavor of szechuan peppercorn spice, which is typically combined with a hot spice, so you not only get a numb mouth from the szechuan flower but you also can’t taste the food because of how hot it is. Genius!

There’s a huge line for this fluffy, white, inside-of-a-marshmellow-looking treat with what looks like chocolate sauce drizzled all over it. It’s advertised as the Original Flavor. I’m very intrigued, so we buy it, only to be ridiculously disappointed. I’m a plain eater, and this legitimately doesn’t taste like anything. We discover it is an egg white souffle – what a scam! We should have gone for the Unoriginal Flavor.

Some observations I make while out and about:

• There’s rarely grass anywhere. Instead, dry dirt appears in patches, which contributes to the smog content when it’s windy.
• You can get dollar tequila shots for happy hour. I don’t know of anywhere in Denver you can get dollar tequila shots, but if anyone does, I’m interested!
• There are subway gates in front of each loading point so people don’t get accidentally pushed onto the tracks (a historical problem).
• Virtually all sidewalks have raised ridges that run the length of the cement (that turn into round bumps when the sidewalk curves or when stairs begin or end) for blind people to use while walking.
• Cabs are super cheap, but you need to know where you’re going or you may get scammed. J-lin is Taiwanese and speaks conversational Chinese, and multiple cab drivers still tried scamming him by passing our destination, taking weird routes, or pretending they didn’t know where they were going. They also are all stick shift and smell revolting (a quaint combination of musty human and cigarette smoke). Your options are to either smell the cab or smell the smog, though. Pick your literal poison.
• Also, no one wears seatbelts in the backseat, which is kind of spooky because everyone drives like a maniac. Remember how our cab driver deliberately drove down the wrong side of the road? That’s a pretty common occurrence. Apparently, the police don’t get a lot of respect around here.

The Great Wall of China

Today, we’re seeing the Great Wall of China. All it takes is a cheap cab ride and a $1 bus ticket to get there.

If you’re into cutting lines, you’d be right at home here. People disregard lines completely. I’m not even sure they’re familiar with the concept. As in, a woman literally walks right to the front of the line when we start loading the bus, and no one bats an eyelid. I need to start using this to my advantage. It must be so refreshing to be able to cut a line without having to shout “GERALD!!” as you push past people.

People also have a tendency to push you even though you are physically unable to move any farther forward. A man keeps poking my back once we’re on the bus – just a quick massage to enhance the pleasant experience of being crammed into the aisle of an old school bus! Good thing I could care less about personal space!!

As we start rolling towards the Great Wall, I once again notice how everything has a washed-out appearance, as though there is a layer of dust and the haze of smog coating the endless buildings. J-lin keeps referring to this as a dystopian look and feel. It’s a spookily accurate description.

Badaling Great Wall

After 45 minutes, we pull into a parking lot at the Badaling section of the Great Wall. Everyone besides J-lin and me lights up a cigarette immediately after getting off the bus. I don’t understand how people are about to hike.

After buying our tickets at a kiosk, it’s a short hike up to access the actual wall. Once we’re actually on it, I feel pretty normal. We chose a great day for it – there are very few people on the wall. I’ve seen pictures of it jam-packed during the summertime. No, thanks!

As we walk on the wall and take in the views, I realize I don’t actually know that much about the Great Wall – not even how long it is. I ask J-lin if he knows. He says he thinks it’s ten miles. I consider this and say it has to be longer than that, based on how much of the wall we can see right now. I didn’t realize he was joking…

I’m mind-blown when he looks it up and finds it’s actually over 13,000 miles long. How is that even possible!! We figure out that if I were to get on a plane to Denver, and he got on a plane that flew the length of the wall, I would get to Denver before he finished flying above the wall (all things, like our speed, being equal).

Sidenote: Get the lamb skewers from a food stall at the base of the wall! These were my favorite out of all the lamb skewers I got while in China.

Olympic Park

I want to check out Olympic Park, home of the 2008 Summer Olympic Games, so we stop there on our way back to city center. The most important thing I have to say is dang, these seats are tiny! Besides that, I feel slight vertigo coming on anytime I look around at the hundreds and hundreds of seats circling the sports arena. I sit in the stands and wonder what it was like to be here during one of the live events. Chills!

The smog is at an unhealthy 184 now, and I feel it in the form of stinging, red, watering eyes, lightheadedness, and a headache. It’s dense enough to significantly lower visibility, too. J-lin keeps saying it’s part of the cultural experience, but I can’t imagine living here and dealing with these conditions on a daily basis!

We spent $30 USD each on the entire day, from travel to food. Not bad!

Things to know about Beijing so far:

• People smoke cigarettes and spit constantly.
• People, especially kids, will likely ask you to take a picture with them if you’re white because white people are rare. I get it now that I’ve been in Beijing for three days and have only seen three white people total. I haven’t necessarily felt out of place, but it is a semi-weird feeling.
• The subway system is extremely efficient and not too difficult to figure out as a foreigner if you can read English. This part of traveling around Beijing wouldn’t have been a problem solo, unlike the scammy cabs.
• The customer service is remarkable! A shoe store employee called her friend and made her sign up for the store’s reward program (neither J-lin nor I had valid phone numbers to do it ourselves) just so I could get 100 RMB off a pair of boots I was buying.

Things that I thought about while narc’d off the smog:

• What if you mixed liquid cheese and mayo (my two least favorite substances) together to create a new sauce?

KTV: Beijing’s Most Fun Activity

We’re flying to Shanghai tonight, but first, we’re doing KTV. What’s KTV? Karaoke television – arguably the most fun thing you can do in Beijing!

In China, you typically you book a private room with a bunch of friends, bring in your own alcohol or order from the drink menu, and queue up your favorite karaoke songs for hours on end.

Jlin and I bop in with our suitcases and only a couple hours to play before we have to leave for the airport. An employee helps us pick out our alcohol for the evening (a classy six-pack of Heineken) and shows us to our karaoke room.

I’m so lit over the room’s decor, complete with colored lights, mirrors everywhere, and a disco ball. What impresses me more, though, is the insanely large and diverse selection of karaoke tunes. Everything from Sheryl Crow to Bassnectar. Yeah, there is literally a Bassnectar song you can “sing” along to.

J-lin and I are both so stoked to see all the EDM, even if some of it doesn’t exactly have lyrics. We have the best time ever blasting music and singing and dancing like goons.

Things you should know about China so far:

• KTV is the most fun activity ever!! Another thing we should have in the US.
• The planes that fly between Beijing and Shanghai could be flying internationally, they’re so large and nice. To help put it into perspective, my seat was in row 70.
• A car’s license plates determine which days of the week it can legally be driven. You get a huge fine if you drive on days you’re not permitted to according to your license plates.